04 February 2016

believing in myself - not always easy

 Listening to the knowing in my soul is not always easy. I get washed away by what I think I should be creating to try and fit the mold. I am taking a new online class and I found in week one I tried to fit a mold. I never do well trying to fit in. I know better. Today was a very hard day for me. I often rise above the hard stuff beautifully and never share this hard stuff.

I want to be helpful and by being honest with hard moments just might help others? I pray that it does. I am filled at times with self doubt. I tend to believe that if I am not making good money being a graphic designer, illustrator, artist that I am no good. Money should not be able to create this self doubt but, it does. I know to face the fears and do it anyway. I know that if we do what we are called to do we will be rewarded. I have had great success in my life as a graphic designer and illustrator.

Only in the last two years since, I made the decision to mindfully leave the corporate clients behind and march into a new world has it been interesting. Moving three times in the past two years, across the country twice well it has been a whirlwind.

So today I marched through the fears again. I created everything in this post and lots more too. I lost myself in French music (I do not speak French) French music is calming to me. I simply did not think I just created. I am always best if I can just get out of my own way.

I wonder how others face fears. Do you have fears of money and survival? Do you create because for you too it is like breathing? Do you look at friends who seem to have it easy and wonder why is that not me? I wonder.

I do know this I am wildly happy to be alive. I know I am a good person. I know that I will make money doing what I love again. It is my life and boy do I love my life.



  1. Beautiful said Bug,just listen to what you are saying and reflect on that,live the moment like you are doing and put everything that is at this time drawing you away from what you are going to be. putting those doubts in your mind and set them aside,and march forward,you are on the right track,believe me,there is not one doubt in my mind you will succeed,just re read what you post daily and you will see what ole Dad is talking about, Love You,Dad

  2. Be YOU, my lovely! Just PLAY - and your wishes will appear. Don't think about the outcome. Music helps me be free, as well! All different types of music. It gets me out of my head, out of constraints, allows my true self to "shine" through the work. The internet has made us all fearful that we're not good enough... too much comparison. Licensing and publishing added another level of conformity for me - do this, paint this, change this color, use this theme, redo this, we need it now. It was so freeing, to pretty much walk away from that 3 years ago -- what took 20 years to build. It was a leap. I needed to be free -- paint what I like, make what I like -- be free of boundaries and "fitting into what THEY wanted". You are at the beginning of all this -- and if you can find a way to stay TRUE to you - no matter the outcome - no fear of fitting in... you will build a beautiful, artful life. Your tribe will find you, your customer will find you, your art will be seen and appreciated - by those who are supposed to appreciate it! Believe me, girlfriend, it will happen! Just keep putting yourself on the canvas! Fear strikes us all... us special, weird, free spirit, creative types. And the next day, the fear is gone, and we're back to LOVING our creations again...and back to creating in a happy, awesome, "in the zone" frenzy! Just remember - the self-doubt and fear never last for long - and remembering that, making a mental note that it's just a faze and continuing to do the work... will get you through to the next days of bliss! :) BIG LOVE, my creative sister!

  3. Aha! I knew this would come up for you right away, AND that you would slay this dragon. I'm glad you met it face to face and can now move on to continue to be amazing, brilliant, one of a kind you. Your "She Planted Miracles" is absolutely gorgeous!

  4. I feel the same way. Many of us do. It is hard making your living from something so subjective. And I struggle with feelings of whether or not there is truly room for all these talented artists to sell their work and have it produced on products. I hope that there is. I plan to focus and create more than I ever thought possible. The more you create the stronger your voice and your pieces will become. I loved your sofa design, by the way. Glad to have found your blog!