04 February 2016

believing in myself - not always easy

 Listening to the knowing in my soul is not always easy. I get washed away by what I think I should be creating to try and fit the mold. I am taking a new online class and I found in week one I tried to fit a mold. I never do well trying to fit in. I know better. Today was a very hard day for me. I often rise above the hard stuff beautifully and never share this hard stuff.

I want to be helpful and by being honest with hard moments just might help others? I pray that it does. I am filled at times with self doubt. I tend to believe that if I am not making good money being a graphic designer, illustrator, artist that I am no good. Money should not be able to create this self doubt but, it does. I know to face the fears and do it anyway. I know that if we do what we are called to do we will be rewarded. I have had great success in my life as a graphic designer and illustrator.

Only in the last two years since, I made the decision to mindfully leave the corporate clients behind and march into a new world has it been interesting. Moving three times in the past two years, across the country twice well it has been a whirlwind.

So today I marched through the fears again. I created everything in this post and lots more too. I lost myself in French music (I do not speak French) French music is calming to me. I simply did not think I just created. I am always best if I can just get out of my own way.

I wonder how others face fears. Do you have fears of money and survival? Do you create because for you too it is like breathing? Do you look at friends who seem to have it easy and wonder why is that not me? I wonder.

I do know this I am wildly happy to be alive. I know I am a good person. I know that I will make money doing what I love again. It is my life and boy do I love my life.